Alienated

Hey people..! Hope everyone is doing great! It’s been time that I’ve updated my blog, but anyways..,to begin with today’s topic..don’t worry I’m not going to start explaining you about the extraterrestrial (E.T), nor have I become mentally ill.That is the exact picture what pops in my head when I was a made to go to a new school. Its exactly like landing on a new planet from your spaceship.

Recently I went to visit my cousin . We had great fun there. It was almost like I time traveled and went back in the past, when we were kids. Honestly, cousins are one of the best people you’ll ever meet in life! We fight, we play, they are our best support system at times and yes, I love to hang around with my people.On out trip we just happened to visit our school one day.

It looked exactly as I remembered without any changes or modifications. It brought many old memories. I can’t say most of them were good but yeah some memories! Honestly, I never liked being at school. Every day I would eagerly wait for the long bell to ring so that I could get out ASAP. I wasn’t the star kid that everyone loves to be. I was more of outcasted girl in my class. School was a nightmare to me. My father’s job required him to keep moving from one place to another and so did we. We would move from one state to another all the time. I do love my country but I have to admit, I was feeling vexed because of the divergent culture and language barriers that India had.

I didn’t spend more than 2 years in the same school. Every other year I had a new school, a new teacher to face, a new language to learn, a new bench mate to sit with and a room full of strangers called classroom. Trust me a kid at that age can’t handle all this. No one ever tried to make me feel comfortable. I never had that feeling of belonging. In fact, I’ve been mocked for skin colour. I studied my kindergarten in Punjab. People have light skin there. So, kids there found me pretty different. I was abused of having dark skin, by my classmates. I had to face racial discrimination at that age. One of my classmate actually asked me if I bathed daily. Her doubt was if I did, then how come I’ve become so dark??  The misconception of beauty, was so deep rooted in such fragile minds, I really wonder what kind of person they turn out to be now! I know that it’s just naive talk, still- feels like so hung up on beauty at that age?

So I used to make excuses to not to go to school. I was and am bad at lying, so yes, I did get caught n was sent to school later, but point is, that disinterest kept on building up in me. There was a stage when I had nightmares about going to school. I was so shattered on the inside. I wanted to have friends, I wanted to be seen as a normal girl, I wanted to go out and play with other, but what to do, for them I was always an alien!

Few years later, I went to Tamil Nadu. Irony is, though I looked like them, I could neither understand nor talk to them. Even though we had to speak in English at school, I don’t know why I didn’t really feel that I was accepted. Even the pedagogues, were such jerks..!! They passed comments on me in their native languages, so that I wouldn’t understand. But yeah after one year of staying in that area you do get an idea what are they talking about. Idiots, couldn’t even imagine that much.

As time passed by, all the criticism got the best of me! I was just a body going to school. I had my own separate world. I never interacted much with people. I lost the interest on conversation. I lost all the enthusiasm I had. Never really participated in anything. By god’s grace my mom understood me pretty well. She was the only friend I had till I came to high school. It’s like I was hibernating all that time!  Or could be compared to a dead zombie!

But now when I think of all this, I feel so stupid, to be hung up on such things! Only if there was someone back then, who could have taught me how to enjoy life, the story would have been different! It’s not that I complaining that I’ve faced a lot, in fact most of what I’ve faced are routine problems what children encounter. But yeah I’ve learnt that we need to embrace our life instead of getting depressed. We need to avoid all the crap that people keep throwing at us, sometimes even fight back. It’s not easy being “a new girl”, but then, life would be boring without challenges right?

Learnt it one fine day..!

When I say sorry, doesn’t mean I’m wrong.!

There is no perfect relationship.! Sounds bitter, but it’s true.! Unlike movies and fairy tales there is no happily ever after.! There is no happy ending.! Even in movies they show a part of life, not the whole life, cause every phase of life has it’s ups and downs.

Life is never simple. There are hard times in relationships, cause people are influenced by “situations” . I don’t say they change totally according to situation but  situations sure do have their influence. So this got me thinking, why do people fight and what they expect in return? Mostly whatever the fight may be for in the end they want to see if the other person really cares. Learning all this made me really confused. So I asked one of my confidant, what would you do if someone is mad because of you? She replied I’d go and apologize. I asked what if its not you fault? She said I won’t.

My nature is such that, I can’t keep silent for long. So I asked how would you solve the problem if you don’t even discuss about it .What she replied was pretty meaningful. She said that if you love that person you’d apologize. If you love them and care for them you need to accept their good with their bad, only then u can love them truly.

But then, I love myself too..! How can I be happy if I keep compromising? But then, to me sorry doesn’t mean that I’m wrong and the other person is right. Sorry to me is what ever the reason was, even though I’m right, you are hurt and I am the reason.! Sometime unknowingly we try to explain ourselves when the other person in hurt., it only shows that you are all concerned about what’s right . So blind, that you don’t even see that the other person is hurt and you are the reason.! Sometimes it really isn’t about right and wrong its about caring for other person’s feeling. So for once in your life, keep all the facts aside  and see how the other person is feeling about you. Call me sensitive, call me dramatic I am who I am.

Trust me ,saying sorry will only make you more matured and more understanding. Don’t hesitate to apologize to people who are really worthy. You might not get a chance later.! But then don’t use the word too often too.! Sometimes it might loose it’s true meaning.! So make an effort to keep your relationship alive.!

Learn’t it one fine day.!

Isn’t a girl with Btech degree a little over qualified for wife’s post?

Shaadi time!! Well there have been a lot of marriages going around lately. This got me thinking about marriages in India. Actually more than that  it got me thinking about all the struggle parents go through to get a girl married. Yeah no matter how much you think a girl and a guy are equal, but the fact is they are not!!

Girls are trained from their childhood to serve a man. They are prepared and brainwashed to join this marriage institution even if they wish to or not. Yeah I do agree that most of this has changed with time, but still there are people who did not change totally. People feel that a girl’s marriage is the biggest responsibility in a man’s life. Just because he feels that it’s his duty to protect his daughter, when he grows old he need someone else to transfer this duty to. For this he needs some guy well qualified. Of course a well qualified guy will also have some specifications.

Now to get their daughter married they do what not! Recently I met a girl and her father. And this girl is younger than me. As she’s younger I thought I could tell her more about further studies and what more opportunities she had. So, I told her that she could go for further studies cause once you discontinue you might not be able to get a chance to study again or you might loose interest yourself.! She was obviously scared if her parents might agree or not. So, I took the liberty to ask her dad for her. The answer he gave was shocking.! He said Btech degree was enough for his girl to get married and so she had no other reason to study further!

This got me thinking!! Why do people need Btech degree for marriage? It’s not like they teach something in Btech about marriage or relationships. Just a high school degree would be sufficient to help kids with fundamentals. Then why does the guy need Btech for? Then I did a little research and found that they make girls study because if in future in some case(if the guy dies or they have financial trouble or if he wants her to work after marriage) the girl might have to do a job to support her family. Then this btech degree would come in handy.

I was stunned!!  For some situation in future they kill all the ambitions and interests of a girl. Make her study something that she has no idea of or interest in it what so ever!! Probably spoil her career, shatter her hopes and dreams for what?? For some day that might never even come!! Pathetic isn’t it??

How come can they be so sure, that just because she has some Btech degree she will get a job for sure?? Well that’s a puzzle yet to be solved!! Is there some other reason behind it?? or is it just stupidity ??

Hope to know one fine day..!!