When can I be me?

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Hey folks, firstly I’d like to apologize for the long gap, as I got married recently and moved to Japan and it took me a while to adjust here and find time for my writing. Well moving to Japan is pretty exciting, the culture here is great, people are very polite, I love the fact how convenient it is to live here, which somehow scares my idea of moving back to India.

A lot being said about me being married, brings me to today’s topic, When can I be me? Well as you might have heard it takes a while for people to adjust after getting married.When I first heard that phrase I thought it meant that the couple needs some time to adjust to one another,but to my astonishment it doesn’t mean that.No it doesn’t.!

Before I got married I fancied the idea, of getting married. So many people treating you special, and as girls love attention, well I loved the Idea too.So, right after I got married things were pretty different from what I imagined. People started judging me, for the gold I wore, for my good or bad looks , for all the petty, materialistic things that never really mattered much to me. Even the people whom I knew before my wedding started judging me in many different ways. So I  thought to myself, hey.! this is just going to be for few days and after that I can live my life the way I want.But, I was wrong again.

Funny thing is even after moving to Japan, there were things being said as to, how I should be. Well,yeah when someone advises me I don’t mind,but if they impose that on me, I don’t want to be rude,but I just can’t take it anymore. When this kept on happening again and again, it just got to me that, will there be any time when I can be, like I want?

Right from your childhood to teenage we live according to our parents and society, even after marriage you are expected to live according to the society until god knows when.And then there comes a time when you become old and you have no hope in your life,and all you are left with are regrets.So when can a girl, live according to what she believes in?

As I live away from my people and society, I just act all perfect when I’m with them so as to respect their feelings.I do feel guilty that I’m not true to myself and to them, but then I don’t want to hurt them either.

But one wise decision, I made in my life was, to marry a man who respects the choices I make and never thrusts upon his ideas on me.So, that somehow pacified my guilt to an extent as he knows who the real me is.

So all that being said,  girls have two options. One to be the way you like and not care about the society, or dump your ideas, and be like you are being told to. Well, as for me and my acting skills go, transforming my self with a dot on the forehead, I can have the best of both worlds.

Learnt it one fine day.!

Let me know what you thought about my post.

Hope you all have a great day.!

Sayonara.!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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How to identify that, you are a fake.!

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“If I am I because I am I, and you are you because you are you , then I am I and you are you. But if I am I because you are you and you are you because I am I, then I am not I and you are not you!”. This saying really got me spellbound.

It’s so fascinating and bewitching, may be I somehow connect to it personally. It’s a saying by Kotzker Rebbe. We have such fertile minds in this world and we are stuck with facebook. What a pity.! Such simple and effort less, I see his artless personality in this saying. Everyone mostly says don’t pretend but fail to explain how to identify pretence. The author clearly states how people pose consciously or unconsciously in real world.

He says I should be the way I am, because I love to be that way. Similarly, your personality should be like you want it to be. If I act like you want me to be, or if you act like I want you to be, then, you are betraying yourself and I’m being unfaithful to myself.

It’s said that he’s never published any of his works. Many manuscripts, were burnt, before his death. Wonder, why he did that? Scared that his work will not be valued? or was he terrified by the critical reviews ? Any of the cases it’s our luck that some of his sayings were published. Hope this might be useful at some point in your life. If it was then, that would be my ultimate satisfaction. Have a great week ahead people.!

Learnt it one fine day..!

When I say sorry, doesn’t mean I’m wrong.!

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There is no perfect relationship.! Sounds bitter, but it’s true.! Unlike movies and fairy tales there is no happily ever after.! There is no happy ending.! Even in movies they show a part of life, not the whole life, cause every phase of life has it’s ups and downs.

Life is never simple. There are hard times in relationships, cause people are influenced by “situations” . I don’t say they change totally according to situation but  situations sure do have their influence. So this got me thinking, why do people fight and what they expect in return? Mostly whatever the fight may be for in the end they want to see if the other person really cares. Learning all this made me really confused. So I asked one of my confidant, what would you do if someone is mad because of you? She replied I’d go and apologize. I asked what if its not you fault? She said I won’t.

My nature is such that, I can’t keep silent for long. So I asked how would you solve the problem if you don’t even discuss about it .What she replied was pretty meaningful. She said that if you love that person you’d apologize. If you love them and care for them you need to accept their good with their bad, only then u can love them truly.

But then, I love myself too..! How can I be happy if I keep compromising? But then, to me sorry doesn’t mean that I’m wrong and the other person is right. Sorry to me is what ever the reason was, even though I’m right, you are hurt and I am the reason.! Sometime unknowingly we try to explain ourselves when the other person in hurt., it only shows that you are all concerned about what’s right . So blind, that you don’t even see that the other person is hurt and you are the reason.! Sometimes it really isn’t about right and wrong its about caring for other person’s feeling. So for once in your life, keep all the facts aside  and see how the other person is feeling about you. Call me sensitive, call me dramatic I am who I am.

Trust me ,saying sorry will only make you more matured and more understanding. Don’t hesitate to apologize to people who are really worthy. You might not get a chance later.! But then don’t use the word too often too.! Sometimes it might loose it’s true meaning.! So make an effort to keep your relationship alive.!

Learn’t it one fine day.!

I’m not a quitter !! I’m not lazy !! I just can’t compromise !!

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Society, society, society..! Well I’m not practicing how to spell, but just thinking how much people care about society. Most of the stuff what we do is to show that we are living according to society.

For instance let’s take marriage. out of 100% I’d say about 40% live together for society. They are scared to leave cause either people may judge them and be harsh to them or they are dependent on their husband ( who might be good for nothing in some cases ). Well that’s about marriage! There are even worse cases when we think about other aspects.! Let’s take education. I just wonder if people really understand the concept of education. Education in its general sense is a process of skill development . It doesn’t mean Engineering, MBBS or MBA.

I don’t say that it is like that everywhere, but yeah from what I’ve seen parents these days don’t really encourage kids to opt for a field what child likes.!Most common thing what they say is “she’s just a kid.! how would she know what to choose?”. But is she really a kid? It simply means that parents did not give the kid so much exposure to even think what she wants in life ! They put in lakhs of rupees for what?? Just to see kids do what parents want? is it all really worth it? Well, that I highly doubt !

So my point is what is the ultimate outcome?? Do we have any benefits living according to the society? Well, I can’t see any so far..!!Actually it is easy for people who can compromise. The main problem is with people who can’t. They become more and more confused cause that’s not what they want in life. Frustration keeps building up cause they loose their true self.! Most of all once when you are done with what others want for you, you’ll go to a blank state. There won’t be any future cause what you have done so far means nothing to you. But the point to be noted is.., there won’t be this so called “society” to help you out then.!

What if we don’t really follow society? well there are complications in that too.! If you  don’t do what they want you will be given tags such as lazy, quitter, unfit, adamant etc.. Cause basic things what people do usually and may be easily, you somehow don’t.! Parents most of all keep in mind even the most simple things that we like as children, what happens later?? Is it their fear of society or their love that makes them do all this? Well people before judging  n giving  tags just give a thought that there could be a reason behind them neglecting .! May be they don’t really want it!

Personally I can’t do something if I can’t really feel for. And I don’t think that I can be unfair to myself n be true to society. Neither will society help me in my bad times. So let people name me quitter, lazy,arrogant I have my reasons and they don’t know..!

I don’t say to be a rebel n don’t listen to anyone.! My point is, it is really important to voice out your opinion.! It is your life and no one will speak for you but yourself.! If things don’t really work your way then learn to accept them too..!

Learn’t it one fine day..!

Isn’t a girl with Btech degree a little over qualified for wife’s post?

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Shaadi time!! Well there have been a lot of marriages going around lately. This got me thinking about marriages in India. Actually more than that  it got me thinking about all the struggle parents go through to get a girl married. Yeah no matter how much you think a girl and a guy are equal, but the fact is they are not!!

Girls are trained from their childhood to serve a man. They are prepared and brainwashed to join this marriage institution even if they wish to or not. Yeah I do agree that most of this has changed with time, but still there are people who did not change totally. People feel that a girl’s marriage is the biggest responsibility in a man’s life. Just because he feels that it’s his duty to protect his daughter, when he grows old he need someone else to transfer this duty to. For this he needs some guy well qualified. Of course a well qualified guy will also have some specifications.

Now to get their daughter married they do what not! Recently I met a girl and her father. And this girl is younger than me. As she’s younger I thought I could tell her more about further studies and what more opportunities she had. So, I told her that she could go for further studies cause once you discontinue you might not be able to get a chance to study again or you might loose interest yourself.! She was obviously scared if her parents might agree or not. So, I took the liberty to ask her dad for her. The answer he gave was shocking.! He said Btech degree was enough for his girl to get married and so she had no other reason to study further!

This got me thinking!! Why do people need Btech degree for marriage? It’s not like they teach something in Btech about marriage or relationships. Just a high school degree would be sufficient to help kids with fundamentals. Then why does the guy need Btech for? Then I did a little research and found that they make girls study because if in future in some case(if the guy dies or they have financial trouble or if he wants her to work after marriage) the girl might have to do a job to support her family. Then this btech degree would come in handy.

I was stunned!!  For some situation in future they kill all the ambitions and interests of a girl. Make her study something that she has no idea of or interest in it what so ever!! Probably spoil her career, shatter her hopes and dreams for what?? For some day that might never even come!! Pathetic isn’t it??

How come can they be so sure, that just because she has some Btech degree she will get a job for sure?? Well that’s a puzzle yet to be solved!! Is there some other reason behind it?? or is it just stupidity ??

Hope to know one fine day..!!

 

It’s damn hard to be a real woman.!

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Being a woman, is not an easy task..!! A man cannot do things which a woman can by default..! World can never be complete without a woman.!And I’m not a feminist..!

Well the above three statements did make me sound like one.!But let me explain myself more clearly. Well you might be thinking that I might just be making usual statements like there are many things which a women can do and men can’t.! Haha I know I know, first thing what you can think of is being pregnant and going through terrible and horrifying pain.! They can dance in five inch heels and still smile, they can  guess easily what’s going on in other person’s mind.! They can cry and keep worrying if their make up was ok.! They can keep smiling when they feel like shit on the inside.!They can keep talking like forever.! ;) Blah, blah, blah..!Well most of that was true though, but that’s actually not the hard part being a woman..! Those are just some things that women keep doing and men don’t.! Most of them are stupid too.!

The hardest part of being a women is being herself..! Confused again?? Well, it’s like this.. Woman basically is scared of being herself.! I don’t say that all women are this way.. but most of them who live their life to the fullest did undergo “transformation” . When someone talks about an ideal woman the things that come to their mind are “giving”, “sharing”, “loving” etc… So, it’s like a lot of expectation is associated with a woman.  She can deserve the word  accomplished only when she meets other’s expectations..!This is because the thinking of a woman by default is such. Women find happiness or satisfaction in giving. They suppress their hopes, expectations, needs etc.. just to show other’s that they care for them. They think that showing that the other person means more to them, would strengthen their relationship.  They are scared that they might fail at some point if they hold back. That people will no longer like her if she’s not giving enough or not like how others expect her to be. Hence, people blindly think that she has the capacity of giving on and on and on..!

With all the burden of living up to expectations, spreading unlimited love and affection and all the mumbo-jumbo, it is hard to keep her inner self alive for much long.! They get too caught up on making others happy.!  To make someone happy you need to know them, understand them, love them, and keep thinking whats going on in their mind, what would they possibly want? A man can never keep guessing or have that much patience to try and make others happy (but yeah they would give in their best efforts when they are given a clear statement) as he can be a little insensitive at times. That is the true reason I think being a true woman is hard ..!

It is true woman feels happy when she makes others happy.!But she finds true happiness when someone really acknowledges that..! To all the women, I’d just like to say keep in touch with your inner self too.! It is as important as breathing is to stay alive.! So stay alive, have fun, spread love.! That’s the perfect combo to be happy.!

Learnt it one fine day..!

Change..!

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Is it ok?? People usually say that never be with a person who’s trying to change you. Who doesn’t appreciate who you are. But what if the person is right. May be all he’s trying to do is help you . To show you a better way..!! Or is he trying to change you the way he likes you better? Is it ok to change for someone? I guess it all depends on what u feel like on the inside. It’s all on how you think. If the change is good and you feel there is nothing wrong about it then why not..! There is no point of being stubborn n resisting the change.! But if you are not really comfortable then I guess its time to let the person know.!Learnt it one fine day.!

Expectations:to be had or not.!!

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Don’t know why but I get really bright ideas at night for my blog. May be that’s the time I get to think about myself..! Naa..!! I just keep thinking to fall asleep..!! Hehe. Now coming to the point I was thinking about expectations.! Well as we know and they say, give more expect less.! If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed.!So, this made me think is expectation such a bad thing? When ever I saw people who really cared for each other fight, was mostly because one of them expected and felt disappointed.!And  this does not apply only for couples its also true for friends,siblings,between parents and children basically between any two people.I actually thought life would be  a lot easier when  people lower their expectations..! I didn’t really understand why do people expect more and more everyday.! When a person is doing his duty fine, being a good friend, a good partner or a good parent following the basic guidelines what he’s meant to then why expect more and cry.! Is it not enough that he’s fulfilling his duty.!?But u know what..?? Sometimes it really isn’t enough.!! It is easy to look at someone and say you are over reacting you need to control your emotions.! You can only feel the pain when you are in that person’s place.

But then what is the point of having a relationship when u can’t even expect ?? What’s the point of continuous giving when you don’t get something in return? Relation should be a win-win thing right.! So like our elders told us not to expect.!I actually tried to follow that for a change. I tried to master my emotions. Whenever I felt that I’m expecting n feeling disappointed I tried to block my emotion.! I told my self that I won’t let anyone hurt me cause I have my strings attached to them. I will always try giving, because I basically feel really happy in giving and making others happy.! I kept giving and giving and giving..! Whenever I heard a voice inside me saying I deserved some love and care too.. I just blocked it.!In this process of giving I started feeling sad.! That was not usual me.! The real me always feels happy to do something for others. Then why was I developing this negativity?? And then negativity turned into frustration. Frustration that I was only the one trying to make things work, that I’m stupid to care about everyone and people don’t even have time to call back.! And  slowly frustration turned to disappointment that people can never change no matter how much you try.! As girls have mood swings I too had one n kept crying and crying and crying.! Usually crying is kind of my way of releasing pressure.! But no matter how much I cried that feeling would never fade.!

Then it suddenly occurred to me what’s the point of crying? I couldn’t really do anything about my problem. People with whom I had problem with probably didn’t even know I have issues with them  .! So basically it’s not something with which I could deal with or fix it myself. It’s a void that kept growing and I needed their help to fill it. So, I decided that I won’t keep calm anymore.! It’s not a crime to expect.! We build relationships to fulfill our expectations..!That is how we keep growing, learning and making our relationships even more beautiful.!! All you have to do is ask..!!

So people, all I wanted to say was keep expecting, keep loving and keep giving..!! You deserve it all..!! Sometimes its good to think about ourselves too.! You can keep others happy only when you are happy on the inside.! I don’t really agree that suppressing your feeling would do any good to you or your relationship except could just make u feel more ignored on the inside,which keeps getting worse with time.Trust me, when it come out, it’s one of the worst things you can say to them. Let it all out and see how happy you feel when you get what you want.!Keep expecting people( just see that you don’t over do it).! Hehe :P

Learnt it one fine day.!