Alienated

Hey people..! Hope everyone is doing great! It’s been time that I’ve updated my blog, but anyways..,to begin with today’s topic..don’t worry I’m not going to start explaining you about the extraterrestrial (E.T), nor have I become mentally ill.That is the exact picture what pops in my head when I was a made to go to a new school. Its exactly like landing on a new planet from your spaceship.

the new

Recently I went to visit my cousin . We had great fun there. It was almost like I time traveled and went back in the past, when we were kids. Honestly, cousins are one of the best people you’ll ever meet in life! We fight, we play, they are our best support system at times and yes, I love to hang around with my people.On out trip we just happened to visit our school one day.

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It looked exactly as I remembered without any changes or modifications. It brought many old memories. I can’t say most of them were good but yeah some memories! Honestly, I never liked being at school. Every day I would eagerly wait for the long bell to ring so that I could get out ASAP. I wasn’t the star kid that everyone loves to be. I was more of outcasted girl in my class. School was a nightmare to me. My father’s job required him to keep moving from one place to another and so did we. We would move from one state to another all the time. I do love my country but I have to admit, I was feeling vexed because of the divergent culture and language barriers that India had.

I didn’t spend more than 2 years in the same school. Every other year I had a new school, a new teacher to face, a new language to learn, a new bench mate to sit with and a room full of strangers called classroom. Trust me a kid at that age can’t handle all this. No one ever tried to make me feel comfortable. I never had that feeling of belonging. In fact, I’ve been mocked for skin colour. I studied my kindergarten in Punjab. People have light skin there. So, kids there found me pretty different. I was abused of having dark skin, by my classmates. I had to face racial discrimination at that age. One of my classmate actually asked me if I bathed daily. Her doubt was if I did, then how come I’ve become so dark??  The misconception of beauty, was so deep rooted in such fragile minds, I really wonder what kind of person they turn out to be now! I know that it’s just naive talk, still- feels like so hung up on beauty at that age?

So I used to make excuses to not to go to school. I was and am bad at lying, so yes, I did get caught n was sent to school later, but point is, that disinterest kept on building up in me. There was a stage when I had nightmares about going to school. I was so shattered on the inside. I wanted to have friends, I wanted to be seen as a normal girl, I wanted to go out and play with other, but what to do, for them I was always an alien!

Few years later, I went to Tamil Nadu. Irony is, though I looked like them, I could neither understand nor talk to them. Even though we had to speak in English at school, I don’t know why I didn’t really feel that I was accepted. Even the pedagogues, were such jerks..!! They passed comments on me in their native languages, so that I wouldn’t understand. But yeah after one year of staying in that area you do get an idea what are they talking about. Idiots, couldn’t even imagine that much.

As time passed by, all the criticism got the best of me! I was just a body going to school. I had my own separate world. I never interacted much with people. I lost the interest on conversation. I lost all the enthusiasm I had. Never really participated in anything. By god’s grace my mom understood me pretty well. She was the only friend I had till I came to high school. It’s like I was hibernating all that time!  Or could be compared to a dead zombie!

But now when I think of all this, I feel so stupid, to be hung up on such things! Only if there was someone back then, who could have taught me how to enjoy life, the story would have been different! It’s not that I complaining that I’ve faced a lot, in fact most of what I’ve faced are routine problems what children encounter. But yeah I’ve learnt that we need to embrace our life instead of getting depressed. We need to avoid all the crap that people keep throwing at us, sometimes even fight back. It’s not easy being “a new girl”, but then, life would be boring without challenges right?

Learnt it one fine day..!